June 17, 2025
Categories: Trauma, Interviews, Justice System, Witness Protection
Content warning: this interview contains references to violent crime, trauma, and the witness protection programme.
This interview shares the experience of witness protection after a violent crime. The story sheds light on the often-overlooked realities of surviving trauma, navigating a complex justice system, and the journey of rebuilding a life in the aftermath of witnessing a murder. She speaks about the constant fear, isolation, and the emotional impact of feeling abandoned by the very system designed to protect her. This is a story about resilience, the search for justice, and the need for real support for victims of crime.
What was it like being moved into witness protection so suddenly?
Terrifying. Honestly, I was in a state. They moved me and my son straight down south to Bath. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone where I was going. We had nothing, literally the clothes we were standing in. We couldn’t go back into the house because it was a crime scene. My little boy didn’t even get to bring his favourite teddy. He cried for it all the time. I bought him another one, but he knew it wasn’t the same. That tore me apart.
The police got the government to give us about £2,000, that was meant to cover everything I lost. Three days after it happened, they put me on a train to Bath with my kid. I was completely traumatised. I didn’t know where I was going. The police drove us to Victoia train station, bought the ticket, and just left us. I remember thinking: What the fuck?
Every noise, every car, every light for six months… I thought they were coming back for me. I was living in fear constantly. I had no patience left, my son started stammering, and everything just changed. I felt a part of him was taken that day, he wasn’t the same little boy.
How did this experience change your life?
It turned everything upside down instantly. My whole identity, my day-to-day life, how I saw people, everything. I couldn’t work, couldn’t talk to anyone from my old life. Even after giving evidence, they just dropped me off at the station and said, See you later. I was traumatised with a traumatised child and supposed to navigate where I was going and new places in crowds, scared out of my mind. They were able to pick me up from Bath when they needed my son to talk to his dad, as he promised the police information if he could see him, I told the police and knew he would not give them new information, but I let them just in case.
Were there any moments that felt especially isolating?
So many. They moved me around Bath, London, and Wigan. At one point, I was living in Brixton, right near a pub with a sign outside that said “Witnesses Wanted” because of a shooting. I remember thinking, Where the hell have you put me?! It felt like a sick joke.
Then they moved me to Wigan, in the middle of nowhere. No carpets, no cooker, no furniture. They gave me back my old stuff, covered in fingerprint dust and luminol from the forensics team. It was all ruined. My son’s bed was still sticky from the chemicals. I had to buy everything new, and they didn’t pay a penny. Once again, being punished for helping criminals being put into prison, knowing one day they will get out, and I’m the one in danger.
Did you feel supported during witness protection?
No, not at all. Towards the end, I had one officer, Rachel, who was amazing. But before that, it was awful. I felt like I was a criminal. I’d done nothing wrong, but they treated me like a problem. She was so supportive, and I wish I had that care and attention from the start.
They need someone who stays with you, a proper support person 24/7 for at least the first couple of weeks, getting your head around what the fuck you’ve just been through I’ve had his brain on my hands and at the time you’re not registering what was going on, after being with Debbie in Bath I was left by myself everything ruined and you’ve got nothing. If I didn’t have my son, I would have taken myself out of the game. When you’re traumatised, with a traumatised kid, it’s so lonely. You need someone who can sit with you, let you cry into a pillow, and help you get through it.
What helped you feel even slightly safe?
Debbie. My friend Debbie was there for me when no one else was. But honestly? I didn’t feel safe, not for years. Every day, I thought someone was coming to kill me, and I was just in constant fear and panic.
The Trial: Facing the Men Responsible
What was it like giving evidence in court?
*takes deep breath* It was worse than the incident itself. The court was armed, proper security, and I had to face all of them. Rachel, my liaison officer, was the only reason I got through it.
I did it for justice, for the kids who lost their dad, for all the innocent people. I couldn’t let them keep walking the streets; I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do anything.
Did you feel the court understood the trauma you were carrying?
Not at all. The defence barristers tried to make it look like I was lying, I know that’s their job, but it’s disgusting when you’re just telling the truth.
At one point, they found a cigarette butt with my DNA on it in the taxi. I didn’t even know, but I’d been in that taxi the day before. They made it out like I’d shot the guy. Then they showed me a photo of the taxi driver with his head blown off with no warning. The judge went mad and apologised to me; It was very traumatic and showed a lack of sensitivity.
Did anything change after the trial?
They dropped me. After two years of constant contact, they disappeared. No check-ins, nothing. I had no closure. It felt like I had served my purpose, and they disposed of me.
One of the guys got £1.6 million and a new identity in another country, and he was involved. I got £5k and a ruined life. How’s that justice?
I hope the police have learnt lessons along the way. Once a trial is over, they shouldn’t just drop the victim; victim support should be involved at this point and better aftercare for victims.
How do you carry this part of your life with you now?
I’m still carrying it. I’ve never really felt safe again, and my life will never be the same again.
What do people misunderstand about going through a trial like this?
They think the police and prosecution are on your side… they’re not. Not really. They have a job to do and will dispose of you when they have finished with you *in my experience* I really hope things have changed and victims feel supported now.
What do you wish professionals had understood better?
That trauma messes with your brain. When they question you straight after something traumatic, and you can’t remember things, it’s not because you’re lying. Your brain just hasn’t processed it yet. They need to be patient and understanding.
They need to treat victims more gently. I was just a normal person sitting watching telly with my kid. And I stood up and went to court when most people wouldn’t. A bit of compassion wouldn’t have gone amiss.
Anything else you’d want to say — to survivors or professionals working with trauma?
Support and communication are everything. Just tell people what’s happening. Don’t leave them in the dark. That’s when the fear takes over; they need someone they can trust, someone they can talk to.
Interviewed 17/6/25 by Hayley Day, Clinical Counsellor (BACP).
For professionals reading this, in law, safeguarding, or mental health, I hope her voice stays with you. For anyone who’s lived through something similar, may you feel less alone.
Support, communication, and compassion aren’t extras. They’re the basics.
Resources for Trauma Survivors:
Wellbeing resources for adults | Domestic abuse and PTSD | Overcoming relationship trauma | RISE
Sole Survivor PTSD Support CIC – Ready to Live Instead of Exist?
If you have been affected by a similar experience, please reach out for support. Your voice matters.
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